Why I Share Everything: A Guide to Using Transparency in Your Therapist Search

You're scrolling through Google reviews for therapists. Four and a half stars. "She really helped me!" reads one comment. Another says, "Best therapist in the city."

Then you book a session with her.

And by session three, you realize: she didn't help you. She's not your person. The approach doesn't fit. Her pace is too fast or too slow. You don't vibe with her style of communicating. Maybe she's too clinical, or too casual. Maybe she doesn't get your cultural background. Maybe you simply don't feel safe with her.

But by now, you've paid for three sessions. There's the sunk cost. The awkwardness of canceling. The part of you thinking, "Maybe I should give it more time. Maybe I'm the problem."

So you stay. Another three sessions. Maybe six. And therapy becomes endurance instead of healing.

This happens to people every day. And here's why: online reviews tell you what someone else experienced—not whether they're right for you.

The Problem With Finding Therapy Based on Reviews

Medicine has protocols. A doctor gives you antibiotics for a bacterial infection, and whether you "vibe" with the doctor becomes secondary. The protocol works regardless of personality fit.

Therapy doesn't work that way.

Therapy is fundamentally personal. It's emotional work happening in the safety of a specific relationship. The exact same approach that transforms one person might feel invalidating to another. The communication style that makes one client feel heard might leave another feeling unmet.

A therapist could be brilliant, experienced, well-trained—and still not be right for you.

So when you choose therapy based on reviews, you're making a decision in the dark. You know the outcome (someone felt better), but you don't know if the process would work for you. You don't know how the therapist communicates. You don't know if their approach aligns with your values. You don't know if they have the cultural competence you need. You don't know their personality, their theoretical orientation, their stance on vulnerability.

All you know is: someone liked them.

That's not enough information.

What If You Could Get to Know Your Therapist First?

This is why I keep almost everything about my work public.

My rates are listed clearly on my website. No hidden costs, no vagueness. If you can't afford therapy, that becomes apparent before you book—not after three sessions when you feel invested.

My qualifications are visible: my medical degree, my pediatrics specialization, my EMDR training credentials, who trained me, how long I've been practicing. You can verify this independently. You can cross-check my background. If you don't trust my qualifications, you should know that before you work with me.

You might wonder why a pediatrician trained in EMDR. Here's why: I kept seeing children who were diagnosed with autism but didn't quite fit the pattern. When I learned about developmental trauma and started using trauma-informed interventions instead of standard autism protocols, many of these kids improved so dramatically within months that they no longer met autism criteria. They weren't autistic—they were traumatized. The problem was, I had nowhere to refer them. India has very few trauma-trained therapists, so I had to train myself to provide the treatment these families desperately needed. But treating the child wasn't enough—I kept seeing how parents' unresolved trauma was shaping their children's nervous systems. Now I work with adults using EMDR because when people heal their own trauma, their children don't inherit the same patterns—that's how we break generational cycles.

That's part of who I am as a clinician—but beyond credentials, you can evaluate my actual communication style through my writing. You're reading it right now. My blog covers topics like childhood trauma, perfectionism, workplace burnout, hypervigilance. The way I explain concepts, the vocabulary I use, the clinical insights I prioritize—this is how I think and communicate in sessions.

My Reddit profile is public. My LinkedIn is accessible. My approach to EMDR, my thoughts on therapy ethics, my perspective on why online therapy works, my frustration with therapists who don't match clients properly—it's all out there if you want to dig.

You can read interviews I've given. You can see how I describe my own vulnerabilities and clinical development. You can sense whether I'm someone who practices what they preach or just sells an image.

And here's what this means: if you spend an hour reading my content and thinking, "This person doesn't sound like my person"—you can save yourself time and money. You can rule me out. No session needed. No sunk cost. No wasted emotional energy wondering if someone you don't trust is the right fit.

That's the whole point.

The Qualities You Want in a Therapist Are The Qualities You Need to Build

There's something else that happens when you research your therapist deeply.

The kind of therapist you're looking for—the one who is transparent, non-defensive, willing to be questioned, humble about what they don't know—these are the same qualities that define mature, functional relationships outside of therapy.

If you want a therapist who listens without judgment, you're also saying: "I value non-judgmental listening." If you want a therapist who respects your autonomy, you're saying: "I want relationships where my agency matters." If you want a therapist who admits mistakes, you're saying: "I respect accountability and integrity."

This research process isn't just about vetting me. It's about clarifying what you need from a relationship. You're essentially asking: What do I value? What feels safe to me? What kind of person do I want in my corner?

And here's the invitation: whatever qualities you're looking for in a therapist, those are qualities worth cultivating in yourself and in your other relationships too. A good therapist doesn't create these qualities in a vacuum. A good therapist provides a safe environment where these qualities can live—where you practice them, experience them, and internalize them.

You learn non-judgment by being met without judgment. You learn to trust your own needs by having someone respect them. You learn what integrity looks like by having someone model it.

How to Use This Approach

If you're looking for a therapist, here's what transparency actually lets you do:

1. Understand their theoretical approach. What does this person believe about how people heal? Are they psychodynamic, behavioral, somatic, integrative? Do they believe in strict protocols or flexible adaptation? Find their writing, their interviews, their philosophy. See if it resonates with how you think about change.

2. Assess communication style. How do they explain concepts? Are they clinical or conversational? Do they use jargon or plain language? Do they acknowledge nuance and complexity, or do they oversimplify? Read their work. Listen to their voice. Does it feel like someone you'd want to talk to every week?

3. Evaluate cultural competence. Do they explicitly address culture, identity, and how these shape therapy? Do they acknowledge that one-size-fits-all approaches fail? Do they seem curious about how your specific background shapes your experiences? Or do they seem to operate from a universal framework?

4. Check transparency about limitations. Do they clearly communicate what they can't help with? Do they admit uncertainty? Do they have boundaries? A good therapist knows their scope. A defensive therapist claims to handle everything.

5. Verify credentials independently. Don't take their word for it. Look up their training. Check professional databases. If they mention a supervisor or training program, research that. You should be able to trace their qualifications to legitimate sources.

6. Notice how they handle being questioned. When you ask about their approach, do they get defensive? Do they invite curiosity? Do they explain their reasoning or shut down inquiry? A therapist worth your time welcomes questions. If they don't, that's information.

7. Ask about fit explicitly. Before you commit to a trial period, actually ask: "Do you think we're a good match? Are there things about what I'm describing that suggest you might not be the best fit for me?" A therapist who takes this question seriously—who can honestly assess whether you two should work together—is already demonstrating good judgment.

The Cost of Not Doing This

Here's what happens when you skip this step and pick a therapist based on location, availability, or a good review:

You spend three to five sessions figuring out whether this person is right for you. That's money. That's time. That's showing up vulnerable, and it might not lead anywhere. You might spend money on the wrong person when the right person was waiting to be discovered.

But worse than money: you experience therapy with someone who isn't a fit, which can reinforce the belief that therapy itself doesn't work for you. You tell yourself, "I tried therapy, and it didn't help." What you actually experienced was mismatched therapy.

That's a tragedy because it keeps people from finding the right therapist.

Transparency Isn't About Me

You might read this and think, "Dr. D'Costa shares everything because he's confident about his work."

That's part of it, yes. I do believe in my approach. I believe in EMDR. I believe in the way I work.

But transparency isn't ultimately about me. It's about respect for you.

Respect means trusting you to make your own informed decision. Respect means not hiding things that might matter to you. Respect means laying out who I am, how I work, what I believe, and what I offer—and then trusting you to decide if it's a fit.

If you read my work and think, "Yes, this is my person"—that alignment matters more than any sales pitch. If you read my work and think, "No, not for me"—that saves you time and heartbreak.

Both of those outcomes are good ones.

What You Should Do Next

If you're looking for a therapist—with me or with anyone else:

• Read their work. Blog posts, articles, interviews. Anything that reveals how they think.
• Verify their credentials. Don't take their word. Check professional databases. Trace their training.
• Check if they're transparent about their limitations. Do they clearly state what they can and can't help with? Or do they claim expertise in everything?
• Notice how they talk about their clients and therapy process. Do they respect client autonomy? Do they honor individual differences? Or do they have a one-size-fits-all approach?
• Ask directly: "Are we a good fit?" Before committing to a trial period, ask a potential therapist this question. Their answer tells you everything.
• Trust what you discover. If the fit feels wrong, it probably is. Your instinct about whether someone is your person matters. It's not a failure of therapy—it's accurate information.

My Core Principle: Transparency

I share my rates, my qualifications, my communication style, my clinical thinking, and my vulnerabilities publicly because I believe you deserve to know who you're working with before you commit time and money and emotional energy.

You shouldn't have to discover that your therapist isn't right for you during your therapy.

By the time you book a session with me, you already know how I communicate, what I believe about therapy, what my background is, and whether my approach aligns with yours.

You're not shopping blindly. You're making an informed decision.

And that's the whole point.

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If you're considering therapy with me, I welcome your questions. Read my blog. Check my credentials. Ask about my approach. Decide if I'm your person.

If I'm not—if you read this and realize you need something different—that's valuable information. Go find the therapist who is right for you.

Either way, you're choosing consciously. And that matters.